Letters to The Wizard in the Lights

Looking-into-light

*image found HERE

Letters to The Wizard in the Lights

My hellish retribution,
I strive to give you meanings
and laurel you
like a jackal does
to a steak he is about to
sink his teeth in
yet I fear that what once was so young of me
is no more
and the marigolds have became
deaf to my queries;
no council is at my brow,
no darkening
or illuminations
and no steadiness
in my hands
that perhaps, long ago,
would tear at you
like hour hands do time.
I am alike my fear of yesteryear
as I gaze into your eye, my lover,
and I look upon all sorts of surface,
pale and dim and emerald and gray
and I notice the sun crochet like lace
on the leaves of the birch
and I spot the corners of our different streets
wearing midnight
as the drowsy canyons are eroding
into cayenne dust;
and I can smell the skin, the death, the coffee and dreams

but nothing is sweet;
it just is.

My heart is crucified like a
starfish lays on a coral
and believe me when I speak
I would rather speak to dogs,
and trees, and blueberries
for I would strip them very carefully,
star by star, speckle by speckle,
dot by dot, each sleeve over arm,
careful,
careful not to touch them
as I would do the same with my own body;
as I would do the same with your own body.
I have tried seven thousand different prayers,
I drank sea water,
I orchestrated gallows, I hung,
I planted and plucked,
sowed and flayed,
consumed and withered,
consumed and blossomed
to vivify the love
and explain it to you!

But it just is.

I want to sound
fancier in my fancy,
I want to roll out like stereo,
I want to mastermind the crickets,
I don/t want to trial and test
like a crusader does to a horse
or a damsel, or a wall;
take small sips and bites,
condone myself and behave
nor do I want to riot
upon whomever’s request;
sometimes it feels like I carry a graveyard
of gods within my chest
and you believe in them,
and all the chidlren do,
but I don’t.

I just am.

And I will not pray
or tell the truth,
I will not repent
or bend the mountains edge
to sway your fingers
into a host between my teeth
like a contract of forgiveness;
I will not ask no priest how to change you,
I will ask no clergy for the longevity
of what you do to my body’s mush,
there are no languages for sighs
you make me do,
as I race with your breathing,
perhaps I can heave on command,
but will I slaughter?
Perhaps I can swallow a desert,
but will I grasp?
I will listen for the therebetween
and weave it into my hair lest I forget
how you sleep, how you sound,
how you ask and how you demand,
how you wonder, how you question,
how you serve and how you forgive,
how you steal
and make me rage against the thunder
until all I am is in your voice, charred;
I am preparing myself
to nourish a new scar;

I love you,
you just are.

See the dandelion as he claws his way through concrete
and the poets who blame it
on mothers and fathers, and homelands and soil
and the way the record spins like melting grace
but screams like static
like the two swallows who nest in my living-room’s
window-sill, year after year,
the same two of them,
each time fatter and older.
This place is ugly but still makes the flowers grow.
I am a bard and I know how to strum these veins,
but I am boring to you
and I sound like a haunted quarry
in winter
and lull you to sleep.
Perhaps, I will run like I am savage over the rocks
and curve around the earth
much better than I could with my hips;
I will be wet and dull, rushing you
to places you may not want to see,
I like to spark things up
like matches, lighters and bonfires
just to see how they burn,
just to see how it feels to be away;
I fear I may have in my will to stay
forgot how to travel, and roam, and leave,
Perhaps I am too tired for you,
Perhaps too wide awake
like somewhere, nestled and pricked
like a thorn to a meridian
some drum is always going off

for rest;
for hunt;
for us who no longer are.

Pick a grain of sand from the bottom of the ocean
like I would rather die
than admit I crave your touch,
like the east,
like the pavement,
like a grandmother’s overgrown garden,
like myths, and chairs,
and pockets, linens, spirits; like things.
Like a crescent moon that looks like
silvered thread that thin
and picky
is about to fall
yet clings.

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~ by Oloriel on May 11, 2019.

11 Responses to “Letters to The Wizard in the Lights”

  1. How I wish I could write like that.

  2. This is absolutely gorgeous… passion in all its different layers of complexity and contradictions.

    So many things to love with all your metaphors.

    • Thank you very much Bjorn! I am always slightly skeptic about jamming so many metaphors together, but I always do it anyways. Thank you very much for reading!

  3. There were so many story ideas sparking off in my brain as I read this piece, fleeting glimspes of ideas and emotions. I’ve never felt that before. It’s very inspiring, thank you.

    • Thank you very much, a comment such as this means a lot to me. Hope you headed your inspiration and jotted at least some parts of those stories u thought of down!

  4. Oh yeah, jam it together, no fear! 🙂 I enjoyed it muchly, even though I had to highlight the text in order to read it. It was too dark blue for my failing eyes. 😀

    • I always always jam it, strawberry jam it if I am asked! I am sorry about the difficulty with reading 😦 I am using a discontinued WordPress theme, which pretty much causes these issues. I am reluctant to change it cause I have grown severely attached to this one, and I have preview tried many other ones, but there is simply no pretty and efficient dark wordpress theme 😦

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