About you

They have said about me :

• Kind, nice, way too nicely kind
• ugly , but sweet personality
• psycho
• materialistic bitch
• eager slut
• hopeless
• destroyer of world
• rude
• Kind, and nice, and way too nicely kind
• control freak
• impulsive, obssesive
• needy
• boring
• not ambitious
• lazy, depressive, liar

Who am I? Nobody asks that. nobody asks anything. People make demands. People don’t describe, they paint. No, people don’t paint, they twist metal, but since they have no metal it’s blood. I am A+. My soul is anemic.

Who am I? A heap of flesh, a “meat popsicle”,the kernel of popcorn stuck in God’s teeth, I am inconvenient and I am about to burst pollen, baby. Babe. Slut. mother. the Unkind, the worried, the blind, the ludicrous, the crazy, the freak.

TRain station. GRaffitied. Razor cut. There’s garbage everywhere. I like ’em when they roll their Rs, it makes the whole damn thing last longer, but in reality I don’t give a shit about Paris. And I don’t give a shit about Patagonia. Andalusia. In fact, I don’t even know where those are. Show me a map and I’ll be mute, because I am a train station. People are trains.

But that;s not what they say. They say “sorry”, and “Thank you”, and “It’s not you, it’s me” and my favourite,”Not now”.

They say “You are perfect (but I’m scared of airplanes and straighlines)”, they say “You are so strong Mary Jane (but you are not happy, I need someone fucking happy and stupid), they say “You’re cute (but there is no beauty in pain and you, you could export that shit at lowest prices and be the richest girl on planet Earth, circa plausible eternity)”, they say “I wish somebody like you loved me, but, you know, what, wait a minute, not YOU!”

Me about myself:

• Weltzchmertz
• girl
• masochist
• hopeless romantic, most definitely pathetic
• cheesy
• lovechild of goth and pastel
• stubborn
• a persistent whelp
• an Aries, which is a modern fancy way of saying a pusher (hold on to your walls and castles, bois!)
• crybaby
• shmizla (google this one!)
• I can sing like nobody’s bussiness
• hopeless
• I cook (and the secret ingredient IS love!)
• weak and powerless (…. over you…….)
• The darling to kill
• weird
• crazy (but you like it, loca,loca,loca! Why am I quoting Shakira? See, this is what I mean!)
• I will dance and cry at the same time at your funeral. Then I will legit study Necromancy to bring you back

But what is the most important question is not who am I, but, who am I to you? How would you define me, where the hell would you put that candy wrapper in the Merriam-Webster dictionary and say Yep, that’s her, and will you , for bloody fucks sake (I forgot to add swearing to the list… Yep, like a trucker. What do you have against truckers? I want a truck for my birthday, nameday, New Year, whatever, even though I will probably forever need a boost to climb in. I swear, don’t ever gift me a vehicle. I will start the engine, press that peddle and never stop. I am lieing. I will most definitely stop at the nearest McDonalds…. aaaaand the farthest as well…) where was I?  Yeah. Call me. Tell me about the insignificance of your life. Let me tell you how beautiful you are. Let me need you. Let me be. Something more than a train station. Yeah, even when I am sad because a hunter I never met shot a deer I never eyes locked with in some forest in let’s say Canada.

I am who I am. I have a registered name. I have a passport, an ID, a health card (and thank Zeus no driver’s licence…. yet!)I have some education, I learned some things by myself. My favorite color is definitely purple. I smoke and I bite my nails, but I also play the bass guitar, and if anything, I feel everything way too much. I googled for Neitzche’s nudes. I am crazy in love, and sorry it is most probably not with you. I have a tattoo. I feed stray dogs. None of this is important. Who am I is not important. Who I want to be is not important, everybody dreams. Who I can be is also not important, everything is circumstances and desire. Who you want me to be is not important, it will always be a menu stolen from a confectionery.

Who AM I to YOU, tell me that?

*Promised Ikarus I will write an answer to this post and I try to keep my promises. His post is here