A Tiny Piece of a WIP

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*Come Sweet Death by Annie-Julie Aubry, image found at artagainstsociety on Tumblr

Hey all! This is the opening of my newest WIP, still under no working title, but a story that plagued my dreams until I resorted to writing it down, on paper, in my notebook, until both of my hands basicly felt like falling off – and I promised to commit myself to finish it all during the course of the month of July. Looking good so far, although I am, after writing for years solely on the computer, finding my thoughts to run too fast for the hand to follow at times.

I am not going to tell you what the story is about. Everybody always says the first chapter, the opening, is the most important, but I connect that to first impressions and I would like my writing to be something you never thought it would be in the first sentence of it you read. I want you to fall in love with the middle!

I hope you enjoy reading this snippet and do let me know your thoughts! If someone gets so curious, do let me know and I can share more of the story with you.

***

In a world sundered by the vines of devouring trees ravaging the industrial pillars to crumbles, Tabitha Red spent all of her life wishing she was Tabitha Blue.

Something invisible was inside everything and everyone, meticulously insisting on its own existence and its own order. With both cruelty and mercy it was dictating what will grow and what will wilt and when, it was ever-present, ever-lurking in every atom and in every iris of each creature, from the moment it decided to create them until the moment it would decide to take them. That was now the only world that Tabitha knew, even though she first saw the light of day in the world of the old, where everything was said to belong only to the human kind, buildings rose free forged in sweat and metal, the wheels and cogs turned and emblazoned millions of hands with their friction while the woodlands bowed inside their countdown prayer to be carved into comfortable furniture, the asphalt always burning under the feet of those who walked.

But, something out there decided it had enough. On a whim, like a sudden storm erupting inside the softest, pinkest clouds, it took the years from everything and cut it in half. It left the rivers, the streams, the seas and the oceans intact, but it brought what seemed like eternities of rain. They celebrated, at first, the humans, like they often do. Nicolas and Mary, Tabitha’s parents, rejoiced upon seeing the drops from the sky infuse the apple orchards with most fiery colors. The apples would sprout like wildfire upon the branches as soon as the water would touch their skin of nature, they would bulge and bloat in juices, sticky, sour and sweet, it felt as though all the color of them became a melody, a chant in unknown languages that were all heard as beckons to drink. The apples would hang and ooze like the most beautiful and sparkling rubies, and so would the apricots; dazzle like precious hematite yet be touched and opened into a sweetest mush of flesh. The days became an intoxicating aroma, colors, smell, taste and senses broke out through the world, making everything be compared to ambrosia, the food of the fabled gods.

Tabitha remembers the gardens of her small, coastal city through a haze, but she does remember the day the blessed rains stopped for it was the day when everything got halved. The benevolence of the new one approached, the one they call the Invisible one, but it did not suck all the color right away. It only made it short-lasting, for it took everyone’s years, their specks of time, and cut them in half, then took a tiny bit more, always a different portion, so you know what you will lose, but not exactly when.

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~ by Oloriel on June 26, 2015.

29 Responses to “A Tiny Piece of a WIP”

  1. This is beguiling, and excellent, I want to know more.

  2. Yes, intriguing!

  3. Bursting with imagery. Definitely want to read more.

  4. Слути на неку бајкицу, и то крваву. 🙂 Први пасус обећава филозофску ноту.
    Свиђа ми се и пратећа слика.

    • Evo u naredna dva pasusa vec ima leseva i crkotine,il sto bi se reklo :Znas me 🙂
      Trudim se da se nadalje drzim filozofije 😀

  5. Феноменално! Увек стварај, то је оно што нас богати! 🙂

  6. Never intriguing and I love the angle here you have taken so opposite to what most people do. Will you post more? X

    • Thank you very much for reading! Do you mean the angle of a world returning sort of backwards to nature, as opposed to many dystopian/steampunk stuff out there?
      I will most certanly be posting more, but what I am most anxious about is having it fully finished and up for grabs in that way 😀

  7. Excellent!

  8. O, I really love your style. I saw colours, shapes and shadows, imagined various smells and saw finite details down to the golden hour lighting! Beautifully narrated: a rich world but with a pinch of Pippi Longstocking adventure that makes the reader want to explore more of this world. Also, I love this line! “Tabitha Red spent all of her life wishing she was Tabitha Blue.” That’s so awesome. 🙂 (Side note: not sure if it’s a typo- I’m pretty sure it is, but I think you might have meant the word “fist” to be “first”- 2nd paragraph- 4th line down.)

    I’m really rooting for you! When you publish this, I’ll totally be in that line. Inspiring, gorgeous writing, as always! x

    • Oh, thanks for letting me know about that type. Writing this on paper first is just reminding me how that method of writing is actually a wondermaker for practicing spelling and all the other joys of writing. I think we have all became a tad bit independent on PC spell-checks. Fist is a word, didn’t see it underlined in red, didn’t think there is something to worry about! -_-
      I am very glad you like the start of this little book, I really can’t wait to finish it and just put it out there. It really is a story I am writing to inspire and amuse myself, and I feel like I have not been doing that for quite a while, I feel like I wrote to unleash myself instead. It is just making me feel to exciting (and sorry you have to suffer from it via my long responses haha!)
      Hope you are doing awesome and kicking ass (I shouldnt hope, I know you are!)

      • You know, I knew that that’s what had happened, (Since “fist” is already a word, it gave it the thumb’s up.) I’ll tell you what your story reminded me of, a bit! Not long ago, I thought about writing a (children’s/ YA) book about a young female superhero, who is able to control the weather just by her moods changing. When I started reading this, I imagined a more specific style in my own ideas coming to light. But then I remembered that I can’t write like you…hahaha. So that’s out!

        Anywhos…I do hope you push on with this and never, ever stop. I know with myself, I have a gazillion side projects and ideas that I want to execute; but as Taylor Swift once said, (yes, TAYLOR SWIFT) “A man who chases two rabbits never catches either.” I can’t wait to see where your story goes. 🙂

        And yes, despite my gas having been shut off yersterday, my water heater exploding- again- (culminating in ICE COLD Arctic showers), and and having to pay much of my own tuition this semester- I’m golden! It’s uphill both ways at the moment- but that’s never stopped me before. So yes, carry on at all costs. 😉 xo

      • Ah, those fucking heaters!I had such huge problems with mine, but I lucked out and found the most awesome heater whisperer ever. He is such a kind man and fixes the damn thing, I swear to you, one time, the heater started working by itself after absolutely refusing to, just from hearing the guy’s voice over the phone. If you lived in belgrade, id give you his number right away, cause he charges like a decent human being as well and has a moto off I fixed this now so you dont have to call me again next month (as in: I am not trying to spend time with your heater, I actually wanna fix it, for good!)

      • Awesome. 🙂 I love honest people! And no, unfortunately I’m stuck here in Indiana without so much as an exotic fruit or tree. Just a brown, muddy river and lots of cows. And corn. :-/

  9. You left me wanting for more! Vivid imagery, profoundly colored canvas of words. Very gripping. I would love to read more! 😀

    • Thank you very much for reading and taking time to leave me a word of your own, your support means very much to me and I am really glad to hear you think the imagery is rich. Thank you, once more 🙂

  10. super!

  11. “all the color became a melody”… wow… I love the vivid imagery… it is an illusionary world, yet you have made it sound so real 🙂

    I have a silly question maybe, what does WIP mean? (blush)… I figure out it is part of a novel you are writing? 🙂

    • Thank you very much for your comment, I am glad the imagery was enticing and enjoyable.
      It is not a silly question at all, it is a short way of saying Work in Progress (which, thankfuly, by now, is already finished, yay! ) 🙂

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