Do not believe them, stone

*Image found HERE

Do not believe them, stone

Do not believe them when they tell you
That I left.
They are lying to you.
You think tears can so easily be removed from facades,
That dollops unpin under the hot asphalt, just like that,
The cores told with water.
The rivers branch off and travel,
Imprint in mollusk shells the little
Of permanent they have,
But hide their pearls in clay valleys
There in the bed under the bridge,
Where someone we both knew,
Who left on our cheek
This flaming signet of fondness
Coined into a single word,
Has thrown himself down on the curb.
Now his veins pulse through the alleys,
Now we are a holy trinity
That looks alike,
That’s tied in fetters;
Three pieces of meat from three different animals
Diced into a goulash
Of strangers, indigenes and road workers,
Never to separate.
Father, child,
And the Ghost.

They will tell you lots of nonsense!
They’ll tell you that I’m gone,
They’ll say that I left.
Don’t believe them, they are lying,
Don’t believe them even when you don’t feel
the touch of my clumsy fingertips
and you wait for days for me to caress your ridges,
to outline your pursed mouth,
to sign and gift you upon a wall
the song of the deer.
When for hours you await for me to utter you a word
And confess you
That it’s an honor to be hand in hand with you
Both ugly and poor.
I was stillborn in you,
Where could I possibly ever go?
Who else could I thank
For this ounce of honest beauty,
When you are the morning under my chest,
When you gave me these teeth
And now I snap and bite
Like a barbarian.

Don’t believe them when they tell you
That I am cheating on you,
That I’m an adulteress,
A prostitute eager to sleep in clean sheets.
I love you so badly I’m going to serve my sentence,
I’m going to give them my wings,
Let them dress me in pelerines,
Spread all kinds of tempera over me,
Teach me some street corners and cenotaphs,
Not knowing I have no heart.
Long ago I tied it to a string
And it hangs and rots in the windows
Of confectionaries,
To spill on your body
So your gardens grow sweet,
So you abound in blood red cherries.
Don’t worry, I won’t fall in love.
In your embrace
Spring gushed from me once
And will never again.
You know my tongue
A little too much,
Remember I’m a shameless thief
With nothing to offer them
Except a sham made of a smile.

 If you, however, under the weight of mourning
Find it hard to recognize me
In the contours of those lost in smog
And you get to miss my howl
And they way you kissed it,
Here is what’s written in my last will,
Here’s my true name,
Here’s the address
For eternal rest and tranquility:
Let them burn my wreckage
And place it in their clasped palms,
Let them scatter me beneath your neck.
There, I want to be still,
There I want to finally dread
And return to the cosmos
Some zeal,
When above me some other Mary Jane’s
Kiss for the first time and dream down Balkan street,
When they swear to three things only:
You.
Eternity.
And that they themselves are
A haunted, gorgeous town.

*********

Ne veruj im, kamenu

Ne veruj im kad ti kazu
Da sam otisla.
Lazu te.
Mislish li da se suze olako skidaju sa fasada,
Da se raskiva od grumenja pod vrelim asfaltom tek tako,
Bit kroz vodu prepricana.
Racvaju se reke, putuju,
U puzevim kucicama
Utiskuju ono malo
Trajnog sto imaju,
Al kriju bisere
U dolinama od plastelina,
Tu u koritu pod mostom,
Gde se neko koga smo oboje znali,
Ko nam je na obrazu ostavio
Ovaj plamteci zig ljubavi
Prekovane u jednu jedinu rec,
Bacio na trotoar.
Sad mu vene pulsiraju kroz sokake,
Sad smo neko sveto trojstvo
Sto lichi,
Sto se bukagijama svezalo;
Tri parceta mesa tri razlicite zivotinje,
Saseckano u gulash
Od strankinja, domorodaca I putara,
Nikad da se ne razdvoji.
Otac, dete,
I duh.

Svashta ce da ti kazu.
Recice ti da me nema,
Reci ce da sam te napustila.
Ne veuj im, lazu,
Ne veruj im cak ni kad
Ne osetish dodir mojih trapavih prstiju
I danima cekash da ti pomilujem brazde,
Usta napucena da ti ocrtam,
Na zid da ti potpishem I darujem
Pesmu srne,
Kada me satima cekas da ti prozborim
I da ti priznam
Da mi je cast sa tobom pod ruku da budem
I siromasna I ruzna.
Ja sam u tebi mrtva rodjena,
Kuda bih ja uopste mogla da odem?
Kome bih mogla da zahvalim
Za uncu iskrene lepote,
Kad si mi ti jutro pod grudima,
Kad si mi zube ove dao,
Pa sad grizem I ujedam,
Kao varvarin.

Ne veruj im kad ti kazu
Da te varam,
Da sam preljubnica.
Da sam prostitutka
Zeljna ciste postelje.
Volim te toliko silno
Da idem kaznu da odsluzim.
Krila idem da im dam,
Da me nakite pelerinama,
Da me namazu kojekakvim bojama,
Da me nauche nekim uglovima I spomenicama,
Ne znajuci da srca nemam;
Davno je ono
Na strunu okacheno
Da zauvek trune u izlogu nekog bombondzije,
Po telu da ti se prospe,
Bashte da ti budu slatke,
Treshanja krvavih da imash.
Necu se zaljubiti, ne brini,
U tvom je naurchju iz mene
Liptalo prolece
I nikada vishe nece.
Jezik mi znash
I previshe,
Seti se da sam lopov I besramnik,
Samo cu lazno da im se nasmejem.

Ako te, pak, pritisne zal
I ne mozesh ni da me nazresh
U obrisima izgubljenih u smogu,
Pa ti moj jauk zafali da ga celivash,
Evo sta mi u testamentu stoji zapisano,
Evo koje mi je ime pravo,
Evo adrese
Za pocinak I spokoj;
Neka mi spale olupinu
I smeste je  medju dlanove,
Neka me raspu tebi pod vratom.
Tu zelim da mirujem,
Tu zelim da napokon
Zastrepim
I vratim kosmosu nazad koji zar,
Kad nadamnom neke druge Mirjane
Se budu ljubile
Po prvi put I snevale niz Balkansku,
Kad se budu zaklinjale samo na tri stvari:
Na tebe,
Na vecnost,
I da su I same
Ukleti, prelepi grad.